It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we meet people. One of the nicest things about our lifestyle is that most of us relate to each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be treated. If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should become a welcome participant.
Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated.
Whether or not you are personally interested in having fun with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
Take whatever you personally are going to need with you.
Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO.
Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.
If you are interested in having fun with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that.
Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
One of the basic etiquette's in the T-girl lifestyle is the right of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The T-girl world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No, thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain. If you try to join in a group already playing, be aware that the person may not be in a position to say No. In these circumstances watch body language - if the person you touch pulls away, they mean don't touch, your persistence will be unwelcome. If the person responds positively then join in and enjoy.
Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in playing, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhoea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.
Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.
When at an on-premise club or house party, you are there to have the best of times and to share the uninhibited enjoyment associated with those who have discovered a new dimension in their lifestyles. Once you have become familiar with the surroundings and staff members or host/hostess, try to become as at ease as you would be at any other social gathering. Don't hesitate to introduce yourselves to other people. You'll find them eager to welcome you and to help you blend into their circle of sincere camaraderie.
While you are advised to be congenial and outgoing, don't be "pushy". Many people who are new to this lifestyle often have unrealistic expectations and are not prepared to handle rejections that may sometimes occur. Freshly showered, perfumed, and neatly dressed people make more contacts. Don't let your personal physical idiosyncrasies stop you from having a good time. No one is perfect [although it is common for new "people" to see others as more attractive or more verbal as themselves]. Don't let your own mind be your worst enemy. Be prepared to handle rejection but don't take it personally.
It is important to remember that PERSONAL CHOICE is the right of every individual and to 'respect that right' is only common courtesy. Learn how to accept "no thank you" graciously. Your approach -- which should be the same as it would be at any social setting -- is a key factor to your acceptance as a desirable partner/friend.
There are several variations to this lifestyle and it is important that you decide, in advance, those which you like and dislike. Some people prefer to be alone, while others prefer to be with other people. Establish your own ground rules, but please decide on them BEFORE you join in.
Some people will probably "break the ice" by introducing themselves, along with other people they know. It's their way of making you feel at home. Feel free to join their conversation and you'll find that most of them will be happy to answer any questions you may have about this lifestyle. Be open and honest. Tell them that you are new to this lifestyle and you'll discover how helpful people can be.
At Isis we do have a private room for those of you who may be a little shy or prefer to be on their own. We provide this facility free of charge but ask that people remember that there may be other people on the premises who have the same feelings so please if you do use this room please be fair and don't keep the room to yourself for the whole duration of the evening.
73a Low Road